So lately I have a had a huge feeling of discontent with my spiritual life. I know it's not up to par but I can't find the willingness to change it, or the 'formula' to follow to get where I should be. (yes, I am aware that the isn't actually a formula: thus the quotes, I just couldn't think of a better word).

I went with a friend the other day to see an i-max movie called 'bugs' (I promise this is relevant to the previous subject!) and it wasn't a cute as the poster made it look. It was actually gross but I learned a really valuable spiritual lesson that I am clinging to. The movie followed this catapillar's journey in the amazon, and it talked about all the other bugs that could eat it and how it survived etc. Anyways, the catapillar survives and becomes a butterfly and that made me think about how christians are always said to have made the catapillar-butterfly trasition when they accept Jesus. But the butterfly had it hard. It still had predators to worry about and it actually only lived two weeks before being eaten by a mantus. And then it hit me, or rather re-hit me as I knw this when I was younger: no one said christianity was easy. As christians we are gonna have predadtors, people waiting for us to turn our backs for a second so they can devoure us. It's not the pic-nic we had maybe hoped for. But that's ok. It's ok that I am going through a rough time because the important thing is that I'm not giving up. I'm holding on and soon I'll get off my leaf and fly the way I was ment to, but for now there's something holding me back. Just because I don't know what it is isn't going to stop me from perservering. God is real, God is love and I am desperate for God, I'm just not perfect. And that's ok.

Psalm 73:26

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever"